Allow me to humble brag as I was the top picker of Week 2, and the only one who picked over .500 for the week! After two weeks we have a tie for the lead between Steve and I. I was 3-2 on the week to bring myself to 5-5, while Steve was 2-3 to also get himself to 5-5. Kristi had her second consecutive 2-3 week to make her one game behind the pack and 4-6 for the season. She is certainly holding her own in her first season as a part of the Parlay and is putting the contest on notice that she will be around at the end. Finally, the defending champion Jonesy who had the worst week among the competitors with his 1-4 week and is two games behind at 3-7.
Below are the standings for Week 2 with the season long standings in parenthesis. With no reason to stall any longer here are the picks as well for your enjoyment.
Ryan 3-2 (5-5)
Steve 2-3 (5-5)
Kristi 2-3 (4-6)
Jonesy 1-4 (3-7)
You can email us fantasy questions at steve@fightingchancefantasy.com and ryan@fightingchancefantasy.com. You can also follow us on Twitter, Steve @fantasygeek37 and Ryan @fightingchance. Also please like Fighting Chance Fantasy on Facebook right here.
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Five Game Parlay Week 3
Ryan’s Picks
Oakland Raiders (+1.5) over Tennessee Titans. The Titans defense has been strong to this point, but I am not sure that I expect that to continue. The Raiders have had a up and down start to the year, but they are going to be a solid offense this season, and they should put enough of an effort up on the scoreboard to beat the Titans outright.
Jacksonville Jaguars (+1) over Baltimore Ravens. The Ravens have played a completely craptastic schedule so far, and not that the Jags are any better, but wait, no they are better. Blake Bortles and the Allens were held mostly in check last week, but I don’t see that happening two weeks in a row. I don’t think the Ravens are as good as they have looked early and look for Bortles to top 300 yards, three scores, and the Jags to win this one outright.
Green Bay Packers (-7.5) over Detroit Lions. Detroit showed last week why you can never trust them as they found a way to lose to the Titans last week in a game that they should have won. The Packers have underperformed this season, but I look for them to take out their frustrations like a drunken, redneck stepfather who has had enough of his wife’s soft ass son. Rodgers is gonna carve them up and should put up 35 points.
Arizona Cardinals (-4) over Buffalo Bills. Buffalo is a mess offensively as they have already fired their offensive coordinator just two weeks into the season. Arizona looked terrible in Week 1 as they lost to New England, but they bounced back in a huge way last week. The Cardinal defense is awesome, and their offense is pretty good as well. The Bills suck something awful at both and even on the road I look for the Cardinals to win this easily.
Seattle Seahawks (-10.5) over San Francisco 49ers. After a surprising Week 1 win over the Rams, the real 49ers showed up last week as they were blown out by the Panthers. This week my team faces another good team in Seattle and will be beaten from pillar to post again. Watch my hated Seahawks win this one by three touchdowns.
Kristi’s Picks
Sawyer told Kristi he didn’t have time for his crap, and also that Steve sucks!
Detroit Lions (7.5) over Green Bay Packers. Since I am new at this I decided to call the Toddler (Steve’s son Sawyer who picked games last year) for advice. Through chicken nugget stuffed cheeks he told me he was getting too old for this crap. He has a life and real friends now, but he agreed to help just this one time. I told him his Geeky Dad gave the best advice and I could hear Chicken Nugget chunks bounce off the phone when he laughed. Told me Steve breaks about 50 pencils every week trying to take notes on every stat, in every game, gets stressed out and snaps them in half. His advice was to follow what he does and totally ignore him because He has no idea what he is doing. He just flips a coin. I’m overthinking it. Green Bay’s defense looked good last week but I am sketchy on this 7.5 spread even though the Lions are pathetic. Since Detroit seems to have no chance of winning, I’m going to pick them out of pity for Steve since he picked the Browns last week and covered the spread. Screw Logic.
Cleveland Browns (+10) Over Miami Dolphins. The Browns are once again blowing through their quarterbacks like dollars at the Strip Club. I still think their third stringer Cody Kessler has enough offensive talent to work with to keep this within 10 points. If he goes down Coach Hue Jackson also has Charlie Whitehurst. I’d recommend suiting them both up in Bubble Wrap. Jonesy says the Browns are icky, which is kind of true. He knows icky and eats bowls of tomatoes out of Nostalgia. I understand *toss*. The Dolphins played fairly well in their first two games even though they lost. Miami is the favorite this game and certainly has the more talented quarterback. However, I’m a big fan of the UnderDawg. I’m going with the Browns because I believe in Unicorns and a Parallel Universe where my Dawgs win the Super Bowl every year.
Dallas Cowboys (-7) over Chicago Bears. The Bears have been neglecting their playbook studying. A friend of a friend’s cousin’s husband is the Locker Room towel guy and mentioned they have been distracted and blaming the Mandela effect Berenstain or Berenstein Bears, whatever. They need to get their shit together. Cutler has a boo boo on his thumb so Hoyer with be starting for the Bears. Something about a guy who has thrown 26 interceptions to go with his 38 touchdowns isn’t instilling me with much confidence. Cutler has plenty of injured buddies sitting out with him. He won’t be lonely. Dallas is starting Dak Prescott again and I am really liking this guy so far. His accuracy was great again last week in his second NFL game and he now has zero interceptions on seventy-five passes. Dez should have a better week as they get more comfortable with each other. *FLIP* Heads. I am calling it for Dallas at home.
Seattle Seahawks (-9) over San Francisco 49ers. I had hoped this week to throw some pity party confidence at a few of our favorite teams. Ryan called the 49ers getting steam rolled last week by Carolina. I am pretty sure I traumatized him when I accidentally confused San Francisco with another team in Orange (Red, Orange, close enough, they suck). The Seahawks have not been scoring big lately but we’re talking my favorite Defense against one that barely ranks. Seahawks are playing with a bit of a banged up offense but even banged up they are better than San Francisco’s Defense. When I tried to make a case for the 49ers out of pity, Ryan choked on his wine laughing (editor’s note: true story! Wine down the wrong tube burns!) and nobody would volunteer to do mouth to mouth. Thought at least his dog would help but there was all that wine to lap up. The concern for his well being means a lot to me, so I’m going with the Seahawks at home.
Oakland Raiders (-1.5) Over Tennessee Titans. The Raiders pumped up their defensive talent this year and they have no reason not to do well against the Titans offense if they are able to develop that talent into a cohesive line. The Titans like to offer a lot of Southern Hospitality at home winning only two out of their last 17 Home games. Right before the Geek’s Kid hung up (apparently he is too old to be called a Toddler anymore), he told me Ryan cheats, looks at all of our picks and still blows it so I shouldn’t worry.
Steve’s Picks
Baltimore Ravens (-1) over Jacksonville Pussy Cats. This season has not begun well for the Jacksonville Jaguars, as they’ve started off 0-2, and even in a weak AFC South, they are in danger of digging themselves a hole they won’t be able to dig themselves out of. They need a win desperately but unfortunately, I don’t see them getting it this week. Jags’ beat writer Ryan O’Halloran has reported that the Jags are in danger of missing a slew of important players this week including their left tackle (who is already ruled out with a concussion), their center, a couple of their top corners as well as defensive end, Jared Odrick. Baltimore has started out 2-0 on the young season and while they haven’t played any tough competition yet, I’m not sure a depleted Jacksonville team will be able to put up much of a fight.
#Jaguars statuses: Out — Koyack/Beachum. Questionable — Amukamara, Ivory, Linder, Odrick, Gipson.
— Ryan O’Halloran (@ryanohalloran) September 23, 2016
Miami Dolphins (-10) over Cleveland Browns. I’m normally don’t like to take teams with this large of a point differential, but the Cleveland Browns have not been fortunate over the past few weeks. They lost starting quarterback Robert Griffin III, backup quarterback Josh McCown, and are going to be forced to play rookie quarterback, Cody Kessler in this week’s matchup against the Dolphins. Throw in the fact that they lost talented rookie wide receiver Corey Coleman to a broken hand in practice this week and we have ourselves a recipe for an ass whoopin. Sorry I have to go against your Browns Kristi, but my gut says this one is going to be ugly (editor’s note: I think your gut tells you to have another cookie).
San Diego Chargers (+2.5) over Indianapolis Colts. After losing Stevie Johnson in training camp, Keenan Allen in Week 1, and Danny Woodhead in Week 2, what does my boy, Phillip Rivers do? He throws for four stinking touchdowns last week against the Jaguars! Now he gets a crappy, Colts team that has a crappy, defense and Rivers could be set for another great game. Indianapolis won’t have Donte Moncrief and that could make things difficult for them to have their passing attack firing on all cylinders as well. I think the Chargers win this one outright, and Rivers and Melvin Gordon each have huge games in Week 3.
New York Giants (-4.5) over Washington Redskins. I was very high on Redskins’ quarterback Kirk Cousins heading into this fantasy season and unfortunately, he hasn’t looked good at all through two games. He’s tied for the most pass attempts in the league and that’s helped him throw for over 300 yards in each game, but he only has one touchdown to three interceptions and he’s looked really bad in both games. The Giants on the other hand have a very good secondary and are enjoying having Victor Cruz back to go along with stud, Odell Beckham and rookie, Sterling Shepard. Shepard has started off his NFL career in style, with a touchdown in Week 1 and a 100+ yard performance in Week 2. I think the Redskins struggles continue and the Giants Cruz (see what I did there?) to a win in Week 3.
Detroit Lions (+7.5) over Green Bay Packers. The Lions have, and will continue to disappoint me for years to come. However, this week I have to root for the home team because fan of Fighting Chance Fantasy, Jason Siler wants to bet me his Packers will take out my Lions. The details of the bet are still being worked out and I will update the status of the wager as soon as they are finalized, but I’m hoping the struggles of Aaron Rogers and Eddie Lacy continue for one more week. Go Lions!!!
Jonesy’s Picks
I can’t seem to get on track this season and I am going to blame it on the fact that I’m trying to have a baby. I’m not like trying to make my OWN baby like from my own DNA or anything. What I mean is I am currently shopping for a baby from another country. It’s quite a long process, you’d be surprised.
Is Jonesy losing because he is trying to build a family? or is it just an excuse?
You’d think that you can just call Indonesia or Somalia and be like, “Hey I’m American! And I’d like a baby from your land!” And then they’d hand it over, right? Because those people are starving and in America we have a shitload of bacon. But it just doesn’t work that way I found out. They ask serious questions. Questions like: Do you drop your phone a lot? Have you ever driven your car into a lake? Do you say “Yolo” everyday? Do you still use a Hotmail account? Stuff like that…
Now I passed all of those, it’s the credit check I failed and one of my references fucked it up for me because she told them how I was arrested in Kansas for possession and how I poisoned my landlady’s cat because she wouldn’t fix our dishwasher. But the thing is, everybody makes mistakes ya know?
Anyways, I’m not gonna let it stop me. I’m coming up with an alternate plan that involves renting a van and driving to Mexico for a weekend. That’s where you guys come in. I need someone to pretend to be my wife on this trip. I found this adoption agency there called, “Ninos Gordos” which translates to, I think, “plump children” and they have a great deal going now where you can get a Mexican child for like $80 US. The thing is they won’t sell it to a single parent, well they might, but it just looks better if I go in there with a “wife” ya know? Any of you down for this little trip? We’ll stop in Tijuana for some hookers on one of those nights. What do you say?
Jonesy
PS – here are my picks:
New York Giants (-4.5) over Washington Redskins
Dallas Cowboys (-7) over Chicago Bears
Atlanta Falcons (+3) over New Orleans Saints
Denver Broncos (+3) over Cincinnati Bengals
Indianapolis Colts (-2.5) over San Diego Chargers
PPS – that above reference mentioned was my mom…
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