We are back for year number ummmmmm, not sure of the Five Game Parlay, but it doesn’t matter, the fact is we are back! Last year Steve nearly went wire to wire before coughing up his lead in the last two weeks as our resident comedian Chris Jones aka Jonesy was our champion! I fought it out with Steve’s two year old son Sawyer for the basement, but we didn’t invite that little bastard back this season. We welcome a new competitor this year is our SUPERFAN Kristi who is eager to join us in this competition. Please welcome Kristi to our game. We, of course welcome back Steve and Allie Fontana as we again will duke it out all season long to see who is the best at picking games.
Each week the five of us will all pick five games against the spread to see at the end of seventeen weeks who is the best of the best. Here are our five competitors:
Allie Fontana (@alliefontana)
Chris ‘Jonesy’ Jones (@funnyjones)
Kristi Talmadge (@shinypompoms)
Steve Rapin (@fantasygeek37)
Ryan Hallam (@fightingchance)
Fighting Chance Fantasy Five Game Parlay Week 1 Picks
Ryan’s Picks
I was an embarrassment last year, so I am hoping to turn it around in a big way! These five seem as good as any so let’s roll with 2016!
Tennessee Titans (+2.5) over Minnesota Vikings. I like the Titans to be a better team than they were last year. They brought in a multitude of offensive weapons in the offseason, and the Vikings are without a reliable quarterback this week. The arrow on the Titans is pointing upward and I think they can keep it within a touchdown.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) over Atlanta Falcons. The Bucs are another team that I expect a nice uptick from in 2016. I’m not saying the Falcons suck, but I just don’t believe that they will be anything more than an average team. Jameis Winston should have a great game to start, and I think Tampa wins this game outright.
Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5) over New York Jets. I am a big fan of the Bengals despite the fact they have zero ability to win a playoff game. This is the regular season opener though and this is right in their wheelhouse. I am not quite buying the Jets and I think it may be a game or two before Ryan Fitzpatrick is back to normal and ready to go. Look for the Bengals to win this game by a touchdown.
San Diego Chargers (+7) over Kansas City Chiefs. I never bought the ten game winning streak that the Chiefs had to end the 2015 season, and I am not buying them to start this year. The Chargers have a strong offense, and I expect Melvin Gordon to have a big year at running back. The Chiefs are a strong home team, but I think the Chargers easily keep this one within a touchdown and could even win it outright.
Buffalo Bills (+3) over Baltimore Ravens. I’m not a huge fan of the Bills, but I’m even less of a fan of the Ravens. Their running game is a mess, their passing game is lacking real receivers, and their defense is average. Look for Tyrod Taylor to make some plays and LeSean McCoy have a 100 yard game and win the game outright.
Steve’s Picks
Last season was a season to forget for me in the inaugural Fighting Chance Fantasy parlay. I held a lead all the way through Week 15 before ultimately losing thus lead to Jonesy in Week 16 and ultimately finishing second in the competition. I’m back this year to claim what’s rightfully mine. I will have to put last season behind me, but before I do, I will make my picks this week in the form of limericks and honor Jonesy on his hard earned victory.
Houston Texans (-6.5) over Chicago Bears
I think that Joney’s a phony
His year one championship is baloney
Jay Cutler’s a can
Just like the funny man
I hope they both choke on bites of macaroni
(Hallam Take: Who chokes on macaroni? It is soft. Anyway)
Buffalo Bills (+3) over Baltimore Ravens
The Ravens have too many backs
Joe Flacco will take lots of sacks
The Bills have Tyrod
Who’s becoming a god
Jonesy’s jokes make him look like a hack
Seattle Seahawks (-10.5) over Miami Dolphins
It rains a lot in Seattle
The Seahawks are going into battle
The Dolphins are weak
They’re going to be beat
Jonesy’s face resembles beef cattle
(Hallam Note: Steve, you are going to make face jokes? People in glass houses…..)
San Diego Chargers (+7) over Kansas City Chiefs
Phil Rivers is one big cry baby
He throws the ball like a lady
This spread is too large
The Chiefs will take charge
I’d love to see Jonesy gets rabies
(Hallam Take: Real mature here)
New York Jets (+2.5) over Cincinnati Bengals
Andy Dalton is called Ginga Ninja
The Jets D-line will make him cringe-a
Decker will score
The crowd will want more
I hope Jonesy gets kidnapped by hillbillies in West Virginia
Jonesy’s Picks
It’s week 1 and we don’t have much to go on. Pre-season is an unreliable gauge wouldn’t you say? It’s like watching a youtube slapfight and then betting on which teenager would win a bonafide boxing match, am I right, folks?? So my approach this week is going to be to ride the home teams. I feel like it’s a reasonable tactic. But of course only time will tell. I’m taking some home dogs right off the bat.
San Francisco 49ers (+2.5) over LA Rams
Tennessee Titans (+2.5) over Minnesota Vikings
Indianapolis Colts (-3.5) over Detroit Lions
New Orleans Saints (-1) over Oakland Raiders
Philadelphia Eagles (-4) over Cleveland Browns
PS – I am not going to do any shit-talking in this first correspondence because I consider that to be unprofessional. I’m not gonna throw it in everybody’s face that I won last season’s parlay whatsoever. I don’t need to remind you friendly, although less intellligent citizens, that I am a beast at this and because of my ongoing success I get blowjobs from groupies up and down the coast. You already know that and so I won’t repeat it. I will say instead, good luck to you all this season. I suggest you utilize all the resources at your disposal to get an edge over me if you can. In fact, if I were you I wouldn’t even completely rule out such resources as Astrologers, crystal healers, drum circles, channeling Ouija Boards or seances. You’re going to need all of these in your toolkit to surpass me this season.
Thank you for being here.
Much love to you all.
Let’s celebrate the arrival of the greatest sport known to modern man this weekend… together…
Jonesy
Kristi’s Picks
Arizona Cardinals (-6) over New England Patriots. Now that they are done playing with their balls New England now has to wait and see how Brady’s backup Jimmy Garoppolo can handle pressure on the field. He hasn’t seen it much. Tight End Rob Gronkowski said Thursday he is not feeling 100% healthy and that is very bad. Very, very bad. He’s my Fantasy Tight End! Arizona looks to have a pretty solid defense this year. They also have the more experienced quarterback with Carson Palmer who has RB David Johnson, WR Larry Fitzgerald and WR Michael Floyd. Arizona should win this home game.
Detroit Lions (+3.5) Over Indianapolis Colts. The Colts have a great quarterback in Andrew Luck but the offensive line did not do a great job covering for him in preseason. If he gets hurt again they are bumming. The Lion’s defense is average but they are good at putting pressure on the Quarterback. They are not as good defending against the run so Colts RB Frank Gore is a threat and should be able to run right through it. I’m picking the Lions over the Colts because Lions eat Baby Horses. QB Matthew Stafford has a good repertoire with WR Golden Tate. Second-year running back Ameer Abdullah is solid and Tight End Eric Ebron is expected to play Week one.
Seattle Seahawks (-10.5) Over Miami Dolphins. Seattle has won seven consecutive home openers, most of which were won by almost double this spread. Quarterback Russell Wilson paired with Wide Receivers Doug Baldwin and Tyler Lockett is a dangerous trio. The Dolphins defense looks even crappier than last year. DeVante Parker is injured and questionable for Sunday. They have some talent there but I see Miami fans in for a disappointing game with a lot of beer being sucked down while talking about the good old Dan Marino days. I don’t see them doing much against a strong Seahawks defense. Enough to cover the spread? I’m going for it.
Minnesota Vikings (-2.5) Over Tennessee Titans. There is a lot up in the air with the last minute grab of QB Sam Bradford who might not be up to par on the Playbook yet. I am not ready to put confidence in QB Shaun Hill either, but it looks like he will start. Either way Adrian Peterson should be getting some exercise this game flying past a Titan defense that won’t be able to handle him. The experienced Vikings defense should cause some turnovers on a Titans offense with a lot of new players on it this year. Plus I just started watching The Last Kingdom and Vikings are freaking cool.
Kansas City Chiefs (-7) Over San Diego Chargers. San Diego has the better quarterback with Philip Rivers but they struggled against the Chiefs defense last year. If Chiefs RB Jamaal Charles doesn’t start due to injury it will hamper their run game but they have a much better defense then San Diego. I’m going with the Chiefs at home to win by a touchdown. I had to pull cobwebs off in the back dark corner of my brain, staring blankly at screens at stats and remembering the spread. I am the best fan ever, so I rock anyways!
Allie’s Picks
Coming Soon
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