Welcome once again my friends to another installment of the Five Game Parlay! This is the holiday edition as our favorite game will be played on our favorite days of the year. We are down to our final two weeks of the season for the Fantastic Four, and while there is a mad chase for second place, someone is going to have to go on an amazing run to catch yours truly. I had a 3-1-1 week to continue to hold my lead which is now seven games with two weeks left. Meanwhile, a single game separates second place from fourth, and that will be an interesting race to see if any of them can get to .500. Everyone was .500 or better this past week as Jonesy and Steve were 3-2 while Kristi broke even at 2-2-1. Which of the three will finish the strongest and take a run at me? We shall see in these last two weeks. No matter which holiday you celebrate this weekend, we at the Five Game Parlay! Here are the standings and the picks!
Five Game Parlay Week 16
Ryan 43-30-2 (3-1-1) @fightingchance
Steve 36-38-1 (3-2) @fantasygeek37
Kristi 35-37-3 (2-2-1)
Jonesy 35-38-2 (3-2) @funnyjones
Ryan’s Picks
Me and Cam Newton gonna be dabbin our way to the Five Game Parlay Title!
Carolina Panthers (+2.5) over Atlanta Falcons. At the end of every year there are teams that are out of it that fold up like a paper bag and take some ass whippings to end the season (see: The Jets). There are other teams that have a little bit of pride and want to finish the season strong and be a spoiler. I present to you the Carolina Panthers. The Panthers dispatched Washington’s playoff hopes last season, and look to be the Grinch to the Falcons’ plans on a division title. I can’t get behind his wardrobe choices, but Cam Newton should put a win in Panthers’ fans stockings this week.
Tennessee Titans (-4.5) over Jacksonville Jaguars. An important attribute to have is to admit when you make a mistake. I made many mistakes to start the year when I continually picked Jacksonville. However, I am smart enough to admit that was wrong and now I have been picking against them and it is working like a charm. Jacksonville is a mess as they fired their coach and who knows what to expect from them. Give me the Titans in an easy one.
Kansas City Chiefs (-4) over Denver Broncos. Denver’s offense is going into the tank like your lazy uncle after too much egg nog on Christmas. The quarterback and running back situation has fallen apart and they just can’t score enough. Spencer Ware should slice up the Denver run defense like your dog through the trash and the Chiefs win this one by ten.
New England Patriots (-14) over New York Jets. When I was looking at the picks (at work, he he he) I told Ron that I thought 14 was too many points. He quickly scolded me that I was stupid and that the Jets have already checked out this season. I don’t say this often, but he’s right! The crappy Dolphins beat the shit out of the Jets, the Pats should beat them by 30.
Cleveland Browns (+6) over San Diego Chargers. I can’t believe I’m doing this! The Browns gotta win one right? Right? RIGHT? I guess they don’t, but hopefully they find a diamond in a lump of coal this Christmas Eve and break into that win column. If nothing else it will be a nice gift for my friend Kristi.
Steve’s Picks
For some reason this is how I envision Steve at the mall on Christmas Eve!
Atlanta Falcons (-2.5) over Carolina Panthers. Julio Jones should be back this week! As a Julio owner in two leagues that I’m in the championship match, Julio’s return couldn’t come at a better time. I get to use him in my championship games and he gets a great matchup against the Carolina Panthers as well. With the Panthers playing on Monday Night Football and turning around to play again on Saturday, I think the Falcons should soar to an easy victory in a short week for Carolina.
Tennessee Titans (-4.5) over Jacksonville Jaguars. The Jags are in a state of disarray after firing their head coach this week and an interim coach isn’t going to turn the frog, Blake Bortles into a Prince. I expect a heavy dose of of Demarco Murray and Derrick Henry as the hapless Jags play out the season, allowing the Titans to keep their playoff hopes alive. Don’t worry, I’m not going to let you forget that I picked Tennessee as my preseason upset to make the playoffs. Go Titans!!!
Cincinnati Bengals (+1.5) over Houston Texans. If my Titans are to get into the playoffs, a Houston loss would come in handy, so that’s the basis of this pick. Plus, everyone think Tom Savage will be Houston’s savior, but let me fill you in on a little secret…he’s not that good either! AJ Green may be back, but even if he isn’t, I think Cincinnati has a very good shot at the upset. The Red Rifle, Andy Dalton will take this one, over the Wild West Texans.
New Orleans Saints (-3) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I can guarantee that this game won’t be the 16-11 snooze fest that we saw between these two teams a couple of weeks ago. Drew Brees went into Arizona last week and destroyed a very good Cardinals’ secondary to show he isn’t washed up yet. He returns home this week, and while I think this game will turn into a shootout, I don’t think the Bucs will be able to keep pace.
Detroit Lions (+7) over Dallas Cowboys. I want to first say that the Lions will lose this game. As a life-long Lions fan, I have become accustomed to heartache from the Lions, so I am ready to see the collapse continue this week. However, I think a touchdown is too many points here. Dallas hasn’t won a game by a touchdown or more in their last four games, and rookie Dak Prescott has been struggling a bit as of late. The Lions will be hungry to keep their playoff hopes alive, but I can see a heartbreaking loss by a missed field goal as time runs out, rather than a Dallas blowout in this one. Plus the Cowboys have been known to choke now and again as well, helping me feel a lot better about this pick.
Kristi’s Picks
It is holiday time which means there is no time!!! I did this quickly, like I will be doing the rest of my shopping, Christmas Eve, at the Mall. I have again used Random.org and am inching down at third. I will have to leave out extra cookies for The Geek, I mean Santa! I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday.
This doesn’t work as well with Dallas being good this year, but it is still funny!
Detroit Lions (+7) over Dallas Cowboys. This is my Christmas Wish for The Geek. Good Luck! Enjoy your cookies. I like Dallas a bit better but I think with being 7 points the Lions can do this.
Buffalo Bills (-4) over Miami Dolphins. Speaking of Bills, does anybody have any left after holiday shopping? Buffalo does! If I actually gambled, nobody would have been getting any gifts this year.
Tennessee Titans (-4.5) at Jacksonville Jaguars. Tennessee has had a good year. I was actually a little worried in the beginning. They are gearing up for the playoffs. Go Titans!
Oakland Raiders (-3.5) over Indianapolis Colts. Derek Carr is going to raid Andrew Luck’s fridge for Christmas goodies. I just had a mental image of Jonesy raiding Tom Brady’s fridge, after breaking in wearing a Santa Suit. Don’t get caught!
Los Angeles Rams (-3.5) over San Francisco 49ers. Maybe Ryan will get a Christmas Miracle too, but I think he has been naughty this year. The Rams should own this. I’ll hope for a bicep kissy, but not even sure Santa could pull that off.
Jonesy’s Picks
Santa Belicheck knows if you’ve been naughty or nice!
(Hallam Note: Jonesy wishes he could tell another story from his childhood and somehow link it to why he’s pissed that I am winning, but between moving, the holidays, and finally traveling to Africa to adopt the underprivileged child, he only had time to make his picks this week. Rest assured that for the last week of the year he will tickle your funnybone, but for now if you need more Jonesy (and who doesn’t) travel to jonesy.com to check out some of his best work!)
Carolina Panthers (+2.5) over Atlanta Falcons
Green Bay (-6.5) over Minnesota Vikings
New England Patriots (-14) over New York Jets
New Orleans Saints (-3) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Arizona Cardinals (+8.5) over Seattle Seahawks
Jonesy Bonesy
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