Happy Thanksgiving from the Fantastic Four of the Five Game Parlay. Ryan, Jonesy, Kristi, and Steve have been picking football games against the point spread for the last three months for your entertainment as we try to see who is the best prognosticator of the 2016 season. We had a great week in Week 11 as three of our four participants picked over .500 and two of us were 4-1. Jonesy and I both won four of our five picks, and I had the Giants who won, but didn’t cover the spread by a single point. Right now we have six weeks left in the regular season , and that is a long way to go. However, right now I am the only one who is picking games above .500, and our other three participants need to go on a run to get back into this. As we enjoy our Thanksgiving holiday and all of the food that comes with it, don’t forget about football and our picks for Week 12.
Ryan 31-24 (4-1) @fightingchance
Kristi 24-29-2 (3-2) @shinypompoms
Jonesy 24-30-1 (4-1) @funnyjones
Steve 23-31-1 (2-3) @fantasygeek37
Five Game Parlay Week 12
Ryan’s Picks
That’s right I told these slackers that we had to get the picks done in time for the Thanksgiving Day games and I’m happy to report they came through for me. Not bad for a bunch of slackers and delinquents. Hope you all are enjoying the Parlay and let’s see if I can pull a 5-0 week!
Hoping to hold on to my lead until the end. And working on ignoring the family for a full day of football!
Pittsburgh Steelers (-9) over Indianapolis Colts. I feel a little bad taking advantage of the Colts without Andrew Luck on Thanksgiving, but hey I want to beat these assholes at this game. Ben Roethlisberger needs to wake up, and Le’Veon Bell needs to continue to rule. The Colts offense likely will be trash with Scott Tolzien under center, and match that with their trash defense and the Steelers should roll while we are all sleeping in a turkey coma.
Tennessee Titans (-5) over Chicago Bears. Man, I am really hitting on the teams that are injured. The Bears lost quarterback Jay Cutler and tight end Zach Miller to an already struggling offense. Matt Barkley is probably the best option on the roster at quarterback, which explains why I’m picking Tennessee. Marcus Mariota is doing awesome, and DeMarco Murray is back to being a stud. It seems like an easy one for the Titans.
New York Giants (-7) over Cleveland Browns. The Giants have a tendency to play down to their competition, as they showed last week against the Bears. But the Browns defense is just so bad that I have to believe that this is going to be one of those 350 yard, 4 touchdown games for Eli Manning. I hate to give seven points to a home underdog, but the Giants are due for a breakout and this has to be the game.
Seattle Seahawks (-5.5) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I think that Jameis Winston and the Tampa offense is going to struggle with the intensity and physical play of the Seattle defense and in the end I think that will be too much to overcome. I hate to pick another road favorite, but I really think that Seattle is going to win this one and likely by more than a touchdown.
San Diego Chargers (+1) over Houston Texans. This one is just a gut feeling. I have watched the Texans multiple times this year, and every time I come away unimpressed. Not saying that the Chargers are the ’85 Bears, but their offense is still pretty strong, and the healthiest it has been in a while. The Texans defense has been slipping a little each week, and I could see Philip Rivers and Melvin Gordon doing enough to pull out an upset.
Steve’s Picks
With Thanksgiving here, it’s very easy to say what we are thankful for. I on the other hand, am deciding to step it up a notch and say all the things I am not thankful for. How can we appreciate what he have if we can’t identify all the things we hate?
This is how I picture Steve on Thanksgiving when someone asks him to pass the gravy!
San Diego Chargers (+1) over Houston Texans. The first thing I’m not thankful for, is this damned competition. I’m looking like a fool over here…well, more of a fool than I normally look I guess, as I am just about mathematically eliminated from contention. I hate Ryan for coming up with the Parlay article, I hate my stupid intuition for failing me in my picks, and I hate the NFL for being so unpredictable.
Tennessee Titans (-5) over Chicago Bears. I’m not thankful for people who play scratch tickets and feel it’s their duty to buy dozens of them and block the line while they turn them all in to get more. I’m a very, very important dude and my time if very, very valuable so when they take up my time so they can win $3 on their $50 worth of tickets, I get a little perturbed. Quit it people!
Baltimore Ravens (-4.5) over Cincinnati Bengals. Another thing that I’m not giving thanks for this year is injuries. Not all injuries, however. Just injuries to players I roster on my fantasy teams. I could care less about players that you lose. I actually relish when I see you lose a player. Injuries can make the best fantasy football team crumble and I lost AJ Green in a couple of leagues last week. One was my home league in which there is bragging rights with all my friends, and now I need to get back on track. I also lost CJ Prosise, Gio Bernard and Andrew Luck in other leagues and I just want to take this opportunity to say injuries on players I roster, suck.
Miami Dolphins (-8) over San Francisco 49ers. I hate…I mean I absolutely detest, people who don’t put their shopping carts back in the coral at the grocery store. I’m not talking about carts that are left near handicapped parking spots. I’m perfectly cool with that. I’m talking about those lazy fu…what a minute. I probably can’t say that. Those lazy SOBs who leave their carts within a spot or two and can’t force their lazy ass to walk ten feet and return it. There’s a special place in hell for those people.
Washington Redskins (+7) at Dallas Cowboys. To wrap things up, I want to say how much I am not thankful for people. I hate ’em all. If I could live in a cabin in the middle of the woods, I would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, they don’t have good cell service, internet, or cable tv in the middle of the woods, so until then, I’m forced to live out my life around people. Plus, I am about the non-manliest man there is, so if I had to kill my own dinner, I would probably starve to death in short order. Hopefully I can find a forest that has a pizza delivery service someday.
Kristi’s Picks
Essentially Ryan just sent these things and said hurry up. Way to keep the stress out of the holidays there Brother. I suppose I’ll be nice since you are currently way up there in first… Turkey! Random.org wasn’t too cruel last week, so we will stick with this no thinking theory again. Love you guys bunches and hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Kristi is hoping that she’s not the Turkey this week and gets closer to the top
Washington Redskins (+7) over Dallas Cowboys. Yeah, I know. Pick the D’s on Turkey day, but random disagrees. Benjamin Franklin proposed the Turkey as the official United States bird. I wonder if it was before or after he electrocuted one and ate the sucker? “chomp”
Atlanta Falcons (-4) over Arizona Cardinals. Bird, Bird, Bird, cuz the Bird is the Word. Falcons eat Cardinals. This just comes down to basic food chain stuff. Pass me a beer. “slug”
Baltimore Ravens (-4.5) over Cincinnati Bengals. It is really is bird week! Let us just stick with that. I really want some of Mom’s Cranberry Sauce. Wine Please. “gulp”
Seattle Seahawks (-5.5) over Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Thanksgiving didn’t really start in the United States since it pre-dates the Harvest Festival. That’s just writer’s stuffing there. Again for the Birds! Irish Coffee Time. “slurp”
Kansas City Chiefs ( +3) over Denver Broncos. It seems appropriate that the Chiefs kick some ass this week. Plus I think the Broncos are overrated. Enough with the Pretenses. Just hand me a glass of Captain Morgans and ice, with just enough Egg Nog to lighten it up. You know, kind of like you do with milk for coffee. “guzzle”
Jonesy’s Picks
Anyone looking to invest in Jonesy’s project? Hope it goes better than his football picking!
Jonesy here. Everything is going as planned. My financial situation has done a complete 180 degress. By shipping pounds of marijuana to Rhode Island, where marijuana doesn’t grow, I’ve been able to make a small fortune in a matter of weeks. With this modest sum I plan to invest in a professional sports franchise. Now the major mainstream sports are off the menu at my price level, so I’m looking at investing in the beerpong industry. It’s up and coming and it’s affordable. This sport is on the verge of progressing from a college hobby to a pro televised event on a weekly basis, complete with all the bells and whistles that come with a beerpong atmosphere, including puking, fighting and daterape. I respect your opinions though so I thought I would just ask what you thought of my moneymaking idea? Also if anyone wants to go in with me as a partner I’m totally down.
Happy holidays.
Jonesy
Pittsburgh Steelers (-9) over Indianapolis Colts
Baltimore Ravens (-4.5) over Cincinnati Bengals
Minnesota Vikings (+2.5) over Detroit Lions
Atlanta Falcons (-4) over Arizona Cardinals
New Orleans Saints (-7) over Los Angeles Rams
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